Why does God care about my sex life?

According to sociological research in Australia, the biggest barrier to people taking the Christian story seriously comes down to the Bible’s teaching on sex and sexuality.

Whether it is seen to promote hatred towards LGBTQ folks, or to put restraints on sexual behaviours that our modern culture deems repressive, all manner of people are convinced that the Bible is not only archaic and prudish when it comes to sex, but that the views it espouses do real-world harm to vulnerable people. The argument goes that if Christianity is true, that is bad news for your sexuality.

A question this close to the heart needs to be handled with care. One feature of the Christian story is as challenging as Jesus’ words may be, I find his intentions faultless, and his manner, gentle. It was prophesied of Jesus that a bruised reed he would not break, and a smouldering wick he would snuff out.

So when Jesus weighs into the topic of sex and sexuality, he doesn’t come as an instrument of brute force to beat us into submission. His primary voice is not political, but pastoral. hg The truth is what the Christian story has to say about our sexual feelings is as surprising as it is challenging.

For starters, the Bible doesn’t promote a prudish or low view of sex. Sex is God’s idea.

In the first scene of the Christian story, where everything was created for good by God, we’re told that human beings were made male and female: a sexual complementarity. And we’re told that they were both naked and unashamed as part of God’s design plan. So it’s not like God created humanity as sexually complementary, with passionate sexual desires, and then was shocked to see what they got up to when He left them alone for two minutes.

There shouldn’t be any doubt that the Bible is pro-sex. There is an entire book of the Bible, the Song of Songs, that if you knew Hebrew poetry would make you blush. The book should come with an adult content rating since it spells out in descriptive language the erotic desires and encounters of a young couple through various stages of their relationship.

So God is no prude when it comes to sex, it’s designed as a gift.

But what Jesus says about sex confronts not just sexual minorities, but every single human being who has grown up in our secular age. Often without knowing it, our culture has embedded into our psyche all kinds of beliefs about sex and our sexuality.

• Sexual feelings are an appetite, like thirst or hunger, that simply must be satisfied.

• Sex is no big deal, it’s only temporary and physical, so as long as you consent it doesn’t matter who you sleep with.

• The sexual feelings you have are a key to who you really are, and their fulfilment is necessary for you to be happy.

Jesus challenges all of these cultural beliefs.

Far from being silent on who we sleep with, Jesus spoke openly about how sex is a gift God only celebrates within the boundaries of a marriage between a husband and a wife. In fact Jesus used a Greek term porneia to say that all sexual activity outside of marriage—from watching porn to fooling around with your girlfriend to sleeping with someone of the same sex—goes against God’s good design. And before anyone is tempted to think that they are still doing okay on that score, Jesus didn’t just affirm God’s design and the sexual ethics of the Old Testament. He went further, saying that God doesn’t just care about what you do with your bodies, he cares about what you do with your imaginations. That to lust after someone is akin to adultery.

This levels the playing field for all of us when it comes to our sexuality. According to Jesus, no one is straight; we are all sexually broken. None of us exclusively desires the right person to the right degree only at the right time. Whether in thought or deed, all of us have a sexual past.

The good news, though, is that Jesus doesn’t cancel us because of our sexual past. Our sexual feelings do not disqualify us from God’s love. What Jesus offers us is something utterly unique: grace. Where in the place of shame and judgment instead we receive God’s embrace and forgiveness.

God loves us so much that he not only accepts us as we are, but He also doesn’t want us to stay as we are. So we may not control our sexual feelings, but Jesus invites us to realign our sexual choices—what we entertain with our minds and do with our bodies—with God’s good design.

Now you might be thinking that’s crazy. What if I’m single? What if I have a different sexual appetite to my spouse? How is the Christian story good news if it tells me to discipline my desires?

The way Jesus answers this question is by inviting us into a bigger story. One where sex has a sacred purpose. Where our bodies tell a story. 

In the Christian story sex is not about us. Sex is a powerful gift, designed by God to chemically bonding us to another person, so that the union of a husband and wife, loving and serving each other in all areas of life, is a foretaste of the eternal union of God and his people when Jesus returns; the cosmic marriage between heaven and earth.

But because in the Christian story marriage and sex are set to be eclipsed by something better in the new creation, that means sex is not ultimate. Just like Jesus, you can live a meaningful and flourishing life full of rich relationships without ever having sex. And so Jesus’ invitation to discipline our sexual feelings and pursue holiness is not about pretending we don’t have these desires, rather it is being caught up into the bigger story where these desires point beyond themselves to the fullest kind of intimacy and joy and satisfaction that comes when Jesus returns to usher in eternity. 

Now this may sound radically at odds with our cultural story, but to be honest, when I survey the fallout of sacred boundaries being trampled in the #metoo movement, how porn culture is destroying younger generations, especially women, and buoying the sex trafficking industry, and how a blanket sexual permissiveness, far from delivering the ultimate fulfilment it promised, has instead led to falling sex rates and emptier hearts, I’m not I trust the cultural story.

I do trust Jesus. I have found him to be nothing but good news in how he imbues sex with a sacred purpose, extends a dignity to the role of my sexual feelings without idolising them, invites me to discipline my desires in service to a bigger story.

Jesus has not come to do harm to your sexuality; he has come to help you restore it.